On Perspective...

I read a number of other blogs online, some of which deal with overcoming depression, finding balance in life, becoming more self aware, etc. One of my favorites, NochNoch.com, just turned two. Since my debacle/ordeal started, I've been something of a lurker, but for whatever reason, I decided to comment on her blog and "came out" as being an anxiety-ridden, depressed, underemployed person and she very kindly responded. Another of her readers also responded to me and pointed out that my passage from suicidal to realizing things will eventually be OK "happened relatively quickly" (six months) and honestly, I feel a little taken aback. Today (the 22nd) marks exactly six months since I was fired. I'm nowhere near "recovered" professionally. I'm working part-time at a new job at an hourly wage less than half of what I was making and with no benefits. I'm not making any progress toward finishing the last three classes of my degree and I haven't even worked on my resume or decided what my next career should be. My goal setting and expectations for myself are very very low, and by that I mean, my to-do list has things like, "Get out of bed." "Open the curtains in the bedroom." "Take a shower." "Get dressed in something other than yoga pants and a t-shirt." It's all a matter of perspective, I guess. I am still alive. I've made it through the really dark chapter where my anger and sadness about the whole situation made me want to withdraw and just end my suffering, permanently. In these six months, I've learned a lot about myself, about my incredible husband, friends, and family - even my pets. I've learned a lot about survival and recovery, what it means to be loved, happy, and appreciated. That perspective didn't come easy, but day by day I'm making it. I'm getting stronger, further from the trauma, better at recognizing and dealing with my body's warnings and red flags. It's not where I'd imagined I'd be, but I'm grateful to still be on the path, making the journey, and having some progress to look back on.